


Deadpool Does the Marvel Universe

by LadyLustful



Series: A Marvelous Anthology of Crack Porn [17]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Poetry, Crack, Crack Pairings, Deadpoolness, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Poetry, Pure Crack, Table Sex, all the people DP would like to do, crack so pure Frank Castle wants to shoot me for distributing it, dirty ditties, mentions of: rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-19 06:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9423845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLustful/pseuds/LadyLustful
Summary: ... or at least, sings about wanting to. Beware of cringewothy ideas.Unfinished but probably never gonna be.This is what Deadpool sings about while swinging through the city.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [invisible_cities](https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisible_cities/gifts).



Captain America looks good in blue  
I bet he'd blush all red when we do the fondue  
I'd suck Capsicle  
Like a popsicle  
The Winter Soldier looks like he needs some fun  
I'd help him unwind, warm him up with my tongue  
Hello there Fluffikins  
How d'you like the lickin'?  
Why don't you suck these fingers that I'm going to stick in?  
  
The Punisher he is kinda hot  
I wish he'd punish me I can take a lot  
Spider-Twink's so hung  
but he's too young  
gotta wait a year or two  
Before we begin to screw  
  
The Wolverine is a sexy munchkin  
I'd do him on the table in the X-men's mansion  
Victor Creed likes killin'  
He's a tacky-ass villain  
But he's got a nice ass that I wouldn't mind fillin'  
  
I wouldn't say no  
to Domino  
She's good with a gun, I like that in a ho  
And I'd do Cable  
anytime I was able  
Up against the wall, on the couch or the table  
  
Black Widow seems like a freak in bed,  
I'd like her to choke me, put a gun to my head  
Melinda May,  
Rumor has it she's gay,  
But maybe she'll let me eat her out all the same.  
  
X-23 is a Wolvie with boobs,  
I wouldn't mind a threesome with her and with Jubes,  
And Wolvie's son Daken  
He'd do even a Kraken  
But the whole city says he's not bad at lovemakin'  
  
The Iron Man is an Iron Man-Whore  
With fancy gadgets, high tech sex toys galore  
I heard he likes to rock  
on his friend's big black cock  
And seein' Doc Doom for science and more  
  
I wouldn't say no if Blade asked for a fuck  
I heard he likes to bite and knows how to suck  
And Hawkeye is hot,  
Always hits the right spot,  
I'd let him nail me like an I-don't-know-what  
  
Magneto rocks the purple and pink  
If he put on a dress I could buy him a drink  
Professor X  
Must know all about sex  
I'd let him mind-fuck me till we're both moaning wrecks  
  
Cyclops and Daredevil have lovely-ass asses  
I've always had thing for nerds wearing glasses  
The Hulk's weird and green  
But he's got a huge peen  
I wouldn't mind us going for a round or fourteen  
  
  
Ms Rachel Alves wears a bulletproof vest  
Dammit that skull looks good on her chest  
And I like Mystique  
though she's kinda a dick  
I'd do her hard like in a porn flick


	2. Jingle Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since it's Christmas soon... Or is it? I can't tell the time worth a damn.

Jingle bells

Wolvie smells,

Magneto is gay,

Cyke looks like

An ugly dike

But I wanna do Jean Grey.


	3. Little Miss Cable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet another cheesy ditty from Dearly Demented Deadpool (wait a minute, aren't alliterations more like Dexter Morgan's thing? And more importantly, who cares?)

Little Miss Cable, 

('Wait, Nate's anything but little!'

"Shut up, you know nothing about writing.")

Sat at a table,

Eating a sandwich or two,

Along came a Spider,

and sat down beside her

And asked "Wait, are you doing Wade too?"


	4. The Wolvie Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Wolvie is a big kitten who drinks beer and smokes cigars

Small Wolvie,  
Hairy Wolvie  
Little ball of fluff  
Cranky Wolvie  
Smoking Wolvie  
Puff puff puff


End file.
